oct 16 2009


Its tuesday. Its October 6th. Life has this sense of calmness to it right now. It could be perceived as such. That is not the case in so many ways though. Marriage is right around the corner. If it were a baby being born the head would be crowning. That close. And while the idea of marriage is overwhelmingly exciting the fact of no job looms overhead. The realizatiuon that another life is in my hands. The process of starting a family is in the works and thoughts of uneasiness creep in. Not doubt. Like taking a test. That feeling that you could still fail no matter how hard you had studied. That feeling. That no matter what I would fail for her. Its a tough feeling to overcome. Its overwhelming in the highest degree.
But I can look at her and spend time with her and know that my worries are meaningless. For some reason or another she loves me. I mean genuinely loves me. That is so relieving. To know that no matter how many times I fall short of fulfilling her desires, she will still be there. Its why I look forward to calling her my wife. My best friend. I honestly have no clue how I got her to give me a shot but she did and now she can’t get rid of me.

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