there has been a feeling of content in my life lately. sure many people would see this as a good thing. in fact, i am not convinced it is a bad thing but i have grown tired of the feeling. i have had many good things take place recently. Things such as family vacations, bachelor parties, upcoming trips to Washington DC and oh yea my own wedding. Life is good.
I have a program malfunction. God made a mistake in the whole “creation of Ryan” thing that took place. I leave God out when life is good. I find myself able to end up at the end of the day without having connected with Christ. I know enough to know I am not the only one guilty of this but I often times feel this way. I read today in Philippians and found myself growing resentful towards Paul’s spirit while in prison. How he seemed so close to God no matter what his circumstances. How is that type of connection even possible? What does that look like? I feel so inadequate sometimes.
I am encouraged though. I take comfort in knowing that God still loves me no matter what. No matter how I come to God when I am in need or when I take control of everything when I feel like life is going smooth. My name should be changed to Gomer because I have no clue of the love that God has for me while I am off chasing my temporary satisfactions. Is this how walking with Christ is meant to be? Some type of tug o war?