i am the worlds largest critic. obviously i could never truly know if i am but i feel this way. i criticize almost everything that occurs in my life. sometimes i do it on purpose and then other times i just do it cause it feels natural. i am sure i am not alone in this. i am writing because lately i have become fed up with this. i have felt God dealing with me on this issue and putting me in my place.
there are many things in life that occur where i could over analyze and critique every aspect of the situation. i often times do this. and lately its been entering my spiritual walk. my walk with Christ has become subject to this criticism. not Christ but the things like church or other believers. this is a problem. for sometime now i have fine tuned the ability to sit in church and find everything that needs to be done differently. (if you could get payed for this i would make millions.) i sit in my pew and find all the faults of the music. the drummer is off rhythm. (if you know me well that last statement is rather ironic seeing as i can not even clap and sing at the same time) there is someone in the choir thats off key. someone is falling asleep in the choir. then comes the preaching. instead of being a true disciple and wanting to learn from the word of God no matter how its presented i often times criticize the message. “the delivery is all wrong. there is a better point to be made here. if i was speaking i would say this and not say this.” thoughts like this and many others occur on almost a weekly basis. this is dangerous.
this is dangerous, as i have begun to notice, because of the impact it begins to have on ones personal walk. i recognize that there will be things done that i might not agree with or i would have gone a different route to accomplish something. however, it does not make me right and the other person wrong. the other reason i have found fallen off in my walk is that i have begun to prepare my heart for the failures of men instead of the truth of God. i no longer walk into the service and long to hear and connect with God. i look to see what else the church will do wrong today. (i am being very transparent right now because i feel like i am not the only one who goes through this)
instead, God has challenged me to start preparing my heart before the service. before i arrive at church. to spend time and talk with Him and connect with Him early in the day.(i feel this connection should take place everyday but for the specific blog i will stay with sunday) how can i honestly crticize the works of others when i will not even spend time to talk and connect with God myself? why do i fail to find the truth that is being spoken in music and through the word? because i am not connecting with God on my own. i have become the type of believer i swore i would never be: Believer enters sanctuary… sits in the same pew for a record 400th consecutive week… crosses arms… and states “ok God bless me”
i feel so ashamed to even admit this. however, there is power and accountability in admitting when i am wrong. i have no problem saying when i am right. so pray for me. i honestly hate that i struggle with this. i know i am not alone though. and if you can see yourself doing the same i challenge you to stop finding the flaws of life and begin to find the truth of God.